Cry

These Tears

deception

you told me you loved me. you reminded me constantly that we were a family. a family doesn’t betray their beliefs. you told me family came first. over and over, nothing was more important. nothing this world put forth. you don’t follow through. why not take a gun to my head. end it for me. I cant face you anymore. I don’t care about you. you lied to me all these years. its over. its over. take your life. your lies and force them upon your next victim. take the deceit away from here. run and never come back. if you don’t, I will. your words tear my heart a little more each time. its like a high for you. your bitterness towards us satisfies you. im glad we can be of help. this isn’t a phase. its where this life has led us. now im going to end it. im leaving you. im sure you wont notice. you’ll brush it off like everything else. I no longer need your support. id rather sit in a cardboard box then live under your roof. this is where your words have landed us. a broken hope. a broken family. im done. enjoy your life.

Perfect Description?

im a fucking rock that looks like a penis, no not PWam, a PENIS.

Which'>http://www.kekkai.org/andrea/etc/poquiz/">Which random phallic object are you?

P.S. won lacrosse game tonight against coquitlam, 8-2. play uh ladner and nanimo tomorrow. delta, gotta love it.

escape.

its time escape from this place. why is it the i can never be happy with myself and my life?. is this all pay back for my idiocy years not to long ago?. if it is, then yes i deserve this bullshit of a life. if it isnt punishment then why?. why do i have to wake up every morning wishing i hadnt?. wishing i could have expired during my peaceful sleep. if only i could escape it all. escape this body, this mind, this world, this life. its to much to take. i dont want to deal with it anymore. i cant help but despise of those who appear to have it easy. who can listen and comprehend everything they hear. why cant i have that?. why do I have such a hard time learning?. theres something wrong with me. i dont know what it is. take this life from me and you’ll be loved by my spirits forever. i couldnt ask for anything more, just take it. im offering it to you, take it. whats the use. why would you want a life that someones taken advantage of?. theyve ruined all potential trust. theyve backstabbed. theyve lied numerous lies of serious matters. they cant focus for enough time to accomplish anything. they constantly ‘talk the talk’. why would you want this?. you dont and thats why you havent taken the offer. i understand now. when you take advantage of something, something as precious as life and its contents. you deserve nothing more then to be treated inadequately. all actions have an outcome. all greediness replies. dont be selfish and absurd like i was. and possibly still am. be yourself. nothing less and nothing more. make yourself proud, take pride in what you do. put those dreams it to actions. never give up. always remember how many people actually do care about you. and love having you around. do it, and ask no questions. should i take my own advice? probably, but its as if its to late.

Kllr Outta B.C.

Oh, how inconsiderate some people can be towards a true killer.

A killer is always a killer. Take it to them in C-Town. Rattle them like you couldn't rattle me.
I ma gunna miss ya. I wish you the best of luck over their in Oil Province. Come back an’ visit. You know you’d love too. If not, don’t you worry…PBS will be down to Montrose to “visit” you. Let your tools guide you…whatever they may be. They maybe be able to take the Kllr outta the Yiants, but they can't take the Kllr outta B.C. forever.

They Always Boost My Spirits.

I had a horribe day..but you know what? Just after 6'o clock, I decided hey I'm gonna take a break from studying and turn on my computer to check if anyone had responded to our Thank-You Giants post. And what do you know, 2 people did. Two people with amazing connections. I must say I'am exstatic right now. Check it out for yourselves...

http://www.go-giants.com/index.php
http://www.go-giants.com/fanarticles.php
http://www.go-giants.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=319

Fucking rights. Our article is posted on the front page of the Go-Giants website. Now doesn't that make you happy? I'm :D.. I can't believe it!. And Sean's post..well lol, I would like to see their reactions. Awesome ladies...PBS did well. The Yiants always seem to make me happy. Gotta love em'.

Love this Game. Love this Team. Hockey with heart.

PWam, if you read this before 8'o clock, can you tape the O.C. for me? Bah, thank-you.

My 1:30 Awakening.

Out of the Ordinary.

I unlock the door and walk in. The dogs rush to greet us. I look around and question the missing. Where could she be? The car still sits on the warm pavement in the humid heat. I search the hallways, each room, and each corner. I walk into the kitchen and I exhale slowly as my heartbeat slows down when I glance over to the note sitting on the counter. I’ve relaxed to soon. Instructions for letting the black and white animals outside? No explanation of her whereabouts appears on the yellow lined paper. I look up dazed and confused. Questioning every possible location. The telephone rings. I stare out the window in a state of shock. I hold back the tears and repetitively saying, “Okay, is she going to be alright?” I cannot comprehend what is going on as her location is established. I’m pinched onto the couch for support, not knowing what to think as my mind is taken over by uneasy images. All I can do is sit and wait for the next phone call as I tremble in panic. My emotions scatter, if only I could speak to her to ease these aching feeling within.

Timeless Life.

This Life.

Is it fair? Is it worth it? Why do we do it? Why not stop now? This life. The undeniable cruelty, deceit, and lies that lay within this mere hollow grave. What’s the motive? What’s the outcome? How can it be passed? How do we prosper? This life. The duration of countless moments floating past with no meaning, no hope. Who can save the horror? Who will conquer this disaster? When will it end? When can freedom be the new life? This life. The stresses never ending, only to force cruel thoughts amongst the mind. When will it be safe? When will these thoughts erase from the mentality? Who enjoys this doubt? Who brings upon these tears? This life. A black room, no windows, little life…holds the cry of the voice that no longer wants time. How could it be? How did this being? What caused this decay? What was the intention of this plan? This life. Slowly the minutes feel like an eternity, the skin begins to ache there is nothing left to do. Why is this happening? Why the intent to cause so much pain? Is it worth it in the end? Is the mission complete? This life. There lay the sticks and stones that crumbled the emotion and life out the voice.


These Tears.

I escape to wipe away these tears with my frail hands. These tears of fear hold the emotion of lacking self worth as they run down my pale skin. This pale skin reflects my care for this life. This life I wish I no longer had. No longer do I want to deal with the hatred I feel. I feel worthless, as my heart aches in the anxiety of life. A life I cannot beat floods with the events that leave me feeling hopeless. Hopeless like I’ve been left with no other choice then to dig my own way to my resting place. The only place I want to be. To be crushed by the earth, as I feel my bones cracking and the sting as my lungs collapse. Collapsing into the darkness, I can no longer wipe these tears. These tears could not stop the yelling, the criticism, and hurt I felt. I felt hollow, and now I know this is where I have always belonged.


P, we're here for you. Thinking about you. I hope everything turns out alright.